don't call them negative emotions

emotions are neither good nor bad, they tell us something

The term “negative emotions” is stupid. It makes you think feeling “angry” or “sad” is wrong, which it isn't. I’ve seen many folks throw around the word in such a way that it undermines this class of emotions and we shouldn’t do this.

You're supposed to feel these things sometimes. They're features, not bugs.

When people say “negative emotions,” they usually mean anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment. But calling them negative is like calling a smoke detector negative because it's loud and annoying. The whole point is to get your attention.

I prefer calling them “unnerving emotions.” That's what they actually do—they unnerve you. They make it hard to think clearly. But that's exactly what they're supposed to do when something needs your attention.

emotions are always saying something

Most people either try to ignore these emotions or just accept them. Both approaches miss the point.

Emotions aren't random. They're your brain's way of flagging things that matter. When you're angry, something seems unfair, a set boundary has been broken. When you're sad, you've lost something important. When you're anxious, there's uncertainty you need to address.

The right response isn't to suppress these feelings or just “sit with them.” It's to figure out what they're telling you.

Think of emotions as your brain doing pattern matching. The same way you feel the pain of fire through release of hormones and know it’s hot, You feel something because your subconscious has detected something significant, even if your conscious mind hasn't figured out what yet.

nerving emotions are more complex

We do this backwards with positive emotions too. Btw, they aren’t positive either. Take romantic attraction. We act like it's this mysterious force that just happens to you. "I fell in love." As if you tripped, lol.

But attraction isn't random either. You're attracted to specific people for specific reasons. There’s some incredibly sophisticated calculations based on appearance, behaviour, status, voice, smell, and a thousand other factors that goes on to produce love. Which is why I prefer to call them “nerving” emotions since they encourage you, and feel good.

The problem, however, is most people never ask why they're attracted to someone. They just go with it. You know, go with the flow and see where it takes them. This is how you end up in relationships with people who aren't actually good for you. This doesn’t mean they’re bad people, no not at all. It just means what it means they don’t work well with you and as crazy as how that sounds, two good people could come together and create the worst climates.

When you feel attracted to someone, ask yourself: What exactly am I responding to? Is this person actually compatible with me, or do they just trigger some pattern from my past?

This doesn't kill romance. It prevents you from confusing intensity with compatibility. I’m no expert in romance so I don’t think I should say anymore.

emotions are unbelievably logical

People think emotions and logic are opposites. They're not. Emotions are just really fast logic.

Your emotional reactions are based on patterns you've learned, often unconsciously. Fear seems irrational, but it's actually your brain being conservative about risk. Better to be scared of something harmless than to miss a real threat.

Social emotions work the same way. Shame feels terrible, but it evolved to help you navigate group dynamics. Jealousy feels destructive, but it's your brain trying to protect something valuable.

The emotions might feel wrong or your pattern matching might be off, but they're never random.

everything has a cause

One thing that drives me crazy is when people say they're “just in a bad mood” or they “don't know why” they feel something and in weird cases, without diagnosis claim to have frequent “mood swings”. There's always a reason!

Maybe you didn't sleep well. Maybe someone said something that reminded you of an old disappointment or some traumatic experience. Maybe you're stressed about something you haven't admitted to yourself yet or aren’t even aware of.

You might not know the cause immediately, but it exists. And usually if you look for it, you'll find it.

emotion introspection in practice

If you take this seriously, it changes how you handle emotions.

Instead of thinking “I shouldn't feel this way,” you think “What is this telling me?”

Instead of trying to make uncomfortable emotions go away, you investigate them.

Instead of just accepting how you feel, you decode it. Properly understand and process it.

This doesn't mean you become some emotionless robot analyzing your feelings. It means you get better at reading the information your emotions provide.

When you're angry, ask what boundary got crossed. When you're sad, ask what you lost. When you're attracted to someone, ask what you're really responding to.

Your emotions are already giving you sophisticated information about your situation. Most people just don't know how to read it.

final thoughts

The big realization is that emotions and reason aren't enemies. They're different parts of the same intelligence system.

Emotions are fast pattern recognition. Reason is slower, more careful analysis. You need both.

When you're making important decisions, you want your emotions to flag what matters and your reasoning to figure out what to do about it.

People who ignore their emotions miss important information. People who just follow their emotions miss important analysis. You want both working together.

This is why the whole “positive” and “negative” emotions framework is so wrong. It sets up this false choice between feeling and thinking. You should be doing both.

Your emotions are trying to help you. The question is whether you're smart enough to listen to what they're actually saying.

That’s all for today,

Jhoe.